The Golfer's Wife

The Sorrows - Part V

Since things are a little slow in the world golf I thought was probably time to get back in touch with The Calthorpes. Remember them?  I know it’s been awhile. But they have been there, in suspended animation, waiting for me to run out of other things to blog about, so they could re-emerge and Jane could continue her tale of woe.

Thus far we have a landed English man (Jack Calthorpe) who gets wounded in a hunting accident and, at the suggestion of a friend, takes up golf as part of his rehabilitation. And of course he catches the fever and golf takes over his life, much to his wife’s ( Jane Calthorpe ) chagrin. We learn that the Calthorpes have a neighbor, Mrs. Marshall, who had designs on Jack, and indeed had thought they were engaged, when Jane came along and stole his heart. Jane believes Mrs. Marshall still has designs on Jack. Jack turns a large portion of his acreage into an 18 hole course, and conscripts various servants to play with, and serve as his caddy and greens keepers. He discovers his butler has a drinking problem and fires him, and manages to replace him with a caddy from Scotland, once again, much to Jane’s chagrin. Jane tries to convince Jack that the caddy ( Sandy ) is no butler and needs to be let go, but since he is a wonderful caddy and, as it turns out, a pretty good instructor, Jack will have none of it. Things come to a head when Jane throws a dinner party and Sandy is not paying attention and pulls out a bowl of dirty golf balls to serve as dessert, instead of the intended sliced pineapple. The next day Jane puts her foot down and says Sandy must go, and Jack says No and they proceed to have the worst argument of their marriage. At the end of which Jane ‘flounces’ ( her word, not mine ) out of the room and slams the door.

And so we pick up the story in the stormy aftermath of the fight:

Jane had flounced off to her boudoir. Which, as it turns out, is just a small room off the main drawing room. She slams the door between the rooms, and promptly bursts into tears. And then she starts thinking things over. Jack had pretty much done whatever she wanted for so long that she found this new side of him ‘disagreeable’. It was, she decides, his own fault that she was in charge. Someone had to be and he wouldn’t. And while she held ‘the reigns of authority…I flattered myself that I never pulled them unduly taut.’. But the more she thinks about it the more she thinks maybe she had taken advantage of the situation. In fact she decides that she secretly admired Jack when he had spoken to her in ‘that determined manner’.  If only he had been that way from the time they were married things would have been much better. At this point she says

  

( Well. Certainly not. Not at 26. Not at 36. Not even at 46. I can tell you this from personal experience. At this point I figure ones youth is not entirely gone even at the age of 86. In fact at that point parts of it may even be staging a come back. Anyway. Back to Jane. )

In any case she decides that perhaps she had been a bit domineering and that if Jack wanted to take over that was certainly his right, and perhaps she could be a better wife. So she makes up her mind that in the future Jack would have no cause to complain about her. Things had definitely changed in the relationship, but she would treat him ‘civilly if coldly’. Because after all most marriages have no love at all and she had had the good fortune to have love for 9 years, so she could hardly complain if things were now at the same state as everyone else.

( Once again, vast difference between 1896 sensibilities and today. And it seems to me she is slightly over reacting to the situation. But I imagine that is central to the rest of the story. So on we go. )

It is a dreary rainy day, so she decides to spend the rest of the day in the boudoir catching up on her correspondence. She has been at it for a few hours when she hears a loud crash in the drawing room. She rushes in and finds Jack standing in the middle of the room surrounded by overturned curio tables with all their contents lying broken on the floor. He is looking very penitent. She asks if he has taken leave of his senses. He apologizes profusely and blames it all on one Horace Hutchinson. As it turns out Horace Hutchinson has written an article in a ‘periodical’ on improving your putting. In said article he suggests finding a straight line on a carpet, or in a wood floor and practice swinging your putter along the line, to maintain a straight smooth stroke. Jack had searched all over the house and the only straight lines he could find were the ones in the drawing room carpet. So he had been swinging his putter. With predictable results.

Jack is very sorry and says he will give Jane carte blanche to replace all the items he broke. Jane tells him that’s no good because they had sentimental value, being given to her by family and friends. He asks Jane to forgive him but she tells him she has nothing to forgive. As he just reminded her it is his house, she just lives there. He can practice wherever he pleases. But if he doesn’t mind, could she please have her boudoir, as it’s really too small to swing a club in anyway? Jack says he is sorry about what he said, and he doesn’t really think she is a tyrant and he really couldn’t get on with out her. And there is a nice little scene where they agree they love each other and it’s really not nice when married people argue.

So. Crisis averted, at least for the moment.

The Calthorpes two children. An 8 year old daughter named Dorothy her younger brother Little Jack. Jack and Jane decide it’s time to hire a governess to teach Dorothy. Jane goes off to London to hire someone and ends up with what she considers a nice lively, if somewhat plain, young daughter of a country vicar, named Miss Lark. When she gets back Jack tells her that Mrs. Marshall came by several times to learn golf and has declared herself enamoured with the game. Jack found the whole thing to be a nuisance. He reminds Jane that he doesn’t really like Mrs. Marshall all that much and he was bored and really wished she would go away.

Two days after Jane returns, Miss Lark shows up. Things go fine for the first two weeks. Dorothy likes Miss Lark and she settles into the daily routine. Then Jack discovers that Miss Lark is the sister of the four Lark brothers, who are famous golfers. And that Miss Lark plays golf too. Miss Lark has been getting Dorothy familiar with the game of golf, and after finding out she is from the famous Lark family of golfers, he talks her into helping him with his approach shots. At first it is all business between the two of them, but Jack flirts a little, and eventually Miss Lark develops a crush on him. Jane isn’t too upset about this. Miss Lark is still doing her job as governess, and she thinks it’s only natural that a young girl out on her own for the first time would get a crush on the master of the house. But as things go on she starts to get a little worried. She doesn’t blame Miss Lark. She actually likes her very much. She thinks it is up to Jack to make it clear she is just infatuated and that he doesn’t return her affections. But Jack is too involved with the golf end of things to notice.

Then one day Dorothy spends the day with a friend, which leaves Miss Lark with free time. Jack talks her into going out to the course and helping him with his approach shots again. Jane watches them for awhile from a window while writing some letters. Eventually she sees them go over a slight mound and behind a hedge. And they don’t come out. After a little bit she decides to go look for them. She feels like a sneak, but tells herself she is doing it to save Miss Lark from embarrassing herself. When she gets to the hedge she hears Jack suggesting to Miss Lark that they should do something besides playing golf. Miss Lark protests, saying that she could never betray Jane like that, she has been so kind to her. Jack says IF Jane finds out, he will ‘square it with her’.  At which point Jane pushes through the hedge, surprising them. She tells Miss Lark to go back to the house. Miss Lark bursts into tears and says how sorry she is, and how she would never do anything to hurt Jane, and heads off. Jane is not really mad at Miss Lark, but she is furious with Jack.

Jack does not help himself by telling her things really aren’t as bad as they seem, if she would just look at it from a mans point of view, because men and woman are different.  ( Hoooo Boy. I’m thinking that doesn’t go over so hot, even in the 1890’s. )  Jane accuses him of breaking his marriage vows, and that she would appreciate it if he wouldn’t insult her with the whole ‘men are different’ line. Jack says he is very sorry and only cares for her and she is the only woman in the world he really loves. Jane says she has been a fool to trust him. At which point Jack once again doesn’t help himself by saying that, as a man, it’s very hard to be indifferent to a young girl who has a crush on you. Jane says he has sunk to a new low by blaming what happened on Miss Lark. Jane tells him that she no longer trusts him, and wonders how many other women have ‘lain in your arms and been kissed by your lips.’ She says they’ll have to continue to live together, for the children, but she doesn’t think she can love him any more. Jack tells her she is over reacting. That lots of women don’t mind if their husbands happen to give a pretty girl a kiss. ( Boy, he just keeps digging himself deeper, doesn’t he? ) Jane says she is not ‘lots of women’. Then she says she is going back to the house, which used to be her home. If Jack would rather she now moves out, she will find somewhere else to live. And she marches off, leaving Jack standing there.

Jane shuts herself in her bedroom. Jack tries to talk to her but she tells him the least he could do under the circumstances is quit bothering her. A little while later he comes back to the door and says he won’t trouble her any more, he is going to London and won’t come back until he hears from her. And he asks her not to be to hard on Miss Lark since it really was his fault. He tells her he loves her and hopes that some days she will let him hold her again. Then he walks off down the hall. Jane waits a bit and then opens the door to call him back, but then she sees him and Sandy heading off for the station-with the golf clubs. She reminds herself that Jack hates a scene and disharmony on the domestic front. All he is doing by going to London is replacing her with golf and avoiding unpleasantness at home. He isn’t going to avoid causing her trouble at all. So she watches him leave and ‘good riddance’. 

****

Goodness. All is certainly not well at the Calthorpes. And I don’t really think the present circumstances can be blamed entirely on golf. I mean, a young governess with a crush on you is a young governess with a crush on you, whether she plays golf or not. Golf just gives you a reason to kiss her behind the hedge, instead of behind a closed door. Will Jane ever call Jack home? What will become of Miss Lark?  And does Mrs. Marshall really like golf, or is she just looking for a way to get Jack behind a hedge? The answers to these questions and more, in the next installment of The Sorrows of A Golfers Wife.

The Sorrows - Part IV

I think it is about time we checked in with Jack and Jane Calthorpe don’t you? So here is another episode of The Sorrows of a Golfers Wife, the continuing stoooorrry of  Jane and her husband Jack, who has gone to the greens

( For previous episodes see here )

When last we left The Calthorpes Jane was about to throw a dinner party and was worried whether Sandy will be able to hold up his end of things.

In the days before the dinner Jane spends hours going over every little thing with Sandy. Telling him exactly what he is supposed to do. She even writes it all down for him, so he can check the notes if he forgets something. And instead of being resentful and put out at having his duties explained to him like this, Sandy listens with attention and actually seems grateful for the help and hints on how to do things. Jane actually starts to like him, and think that he just might work out after all.

On the day of the dinner, as always happens when the wife plans something like this and all the husband really needs to do is stay out of the way, Jack throws a monkey wrench into the works. Everyone is busy getting ready, and Sandy is doing what he needs to do. Jack has totally forgotten about the dinner party and invited a neighbor over to play a round of golf. He has already conscripted Barker and needs Sandy to make a foursome. He cajoles Jane into letting him have Sandy ‘for just an hour’. And of course it was more than an hour. They didn’t show up back at the house until after 5. And naturally Jane was fuming. And to top it all of they disappear into Jacks study for whiskey and sodas. Sandy reappears from the study with a bowl full of dirty balls which Jack has told him to ‘whiten up’ for tomorrows play. Jane tells him he won’t be doing that now of course, to put the bowl down and get to work. Sandy puts the bowl on a serving tray. Jane tells him to be sure and put it away somewhere before the guests come. Sandy assures her he will, and she leaves him to go get dressed. Jack falls asleep in the study. Which means he doesn’t set the wine out to breathe or chill the champagne.  Jane wakes him and tells him to hurry up and get dressed, the guests are already arriving.

And here we find that, even in 1896, the English have already been talking about the weather for as long as anyone can remember.

Everyone arrives but dinner is 35 minutes late, due to Jack being late because of getting dressed, and the servants being behind since Sandy was gone. But eventually dinner is served. It goes off without a hitch. Sandy makes a few small mistakes but the footman covers for him. Jack continually tries to bring the talk around to golf. Jane manages to keep it on other subjects, mostly hunting, since that’s what all the other dinner guests had spent their day doing, until dinner is over. But then Jack gets into ‘full swing’( Jane’s words, not mine ).

Sandy was listening to Jack talk about golf with such rapt attention than Jane has to signal him to remind him to serve dessert. Which is to be a sliced pineapple. And here is where things go wrong.

Well the guests laughed quite heartily, mostly at Sandy. Who felt like he needed to explain himself and gave a little speech, complete with his Scottish accent, about how all the talk of golf had ‘laid hold’ of him and it seemed perfectly natural to hand out the golf balls. And that golf was the ‘grandest game that was ever invented’. Which brought more laughter from the guests.

Jane makes some rather biting comments to the effect that golf has made both the master and his servant totally crazy, and advised her guests to stay far away from it or their households will never know another peaceful moment. She makes it very clear she blames the whole thing on Jack and is NOT happy with him. Jack resents the remarks, but she pulls out her trump card as hostess and calls the women from the table to retire to the parlor and leave the men to their smokes and drinks, thus ending the conversation. 

Jane is feeling totally humiliated and just knows the story will be the talk of the country side by tomorrow morning. She is sure that Jack now sees how totally out of his element Sandy is as a butler and how wrong it was to hire him and that tomorrow he will send him packing.

Of course Jack doesn’t quite see things the same way. This leads to ‘one of the most serious quarrels – if not THE most serious quarrel’ of their nine years of wedded life.

Jack says Sandy made a full of himself but so what? And buries his head in the newspaper
Jane says How nice that he thought that was the end of the matter
Jack says That he was the reasonable person, Jane was the firebrand.
Jane says He likes firebrands, he would be bored with a wife that worshiped him. Plus it would make him conceited and ruin his character.
Jack says No fear of that with you around, but it would be nice to have a little ‘wifely adoration’ every now and then.
Jane says You wouldn’t have married me if she was like that.
Jack says ( and I quote ) “You are such a quaint little person, and somehow or other I rather like you, in spite of all your tantrums. They amuse me”.  ( At which point I’m afraid if it had been me I would have grabbed something off the fireplace mantel and thrown it at him. Jane is a better woman than I. )
Then Jack says Go away I’m busy.
Jane says Busy doing what, reading the paper and smoking a pipe?
Jack says Yes, as a matter of fact.
Jane says You will not read the paper when I am in the room wanting to talk to you. It’s insulting.
Jack throws down the paper and says Get on with it.
Jane says Sandy has to go, I will be giving him his notice this morning.
Jack says You will be giving him warning? Are you aware I am master of this house?
Jane says Yes. But I am the mistress, possessed of equal rights and authority within her own departments.
Jack says When you talk like that I think I have over indulged and spoiled you. You have too much of your own way.
( Alright, at this point I just had to keep telling myself ‘It’s turn-of-the-century England. Things were different then. How else to explain the fact that Jane hasn’t knocked some sense into him with a nice heavy candlestick by now? )
Jane says It’s your fault. We have been married 9 years and during that time I have managed the entire household.
Jack says You are right. But you did it with his money.
Jane says How kind of you to remind me that I have no money of my own. You proposed to a pauper and I made what is considered a good match. You have to live with it now.
Jack says Haven’t I done so? Why are you bringing this up?
Jane says If you are complaining that I have my own way, why didn’t you look after matters yourself?
Jack says Perhaps I should have.
Jane says You were too lazy. I whenever I tried to consult you, you said you didn’t care what I did as long as you weren’t bothered. I shouldered all the worry and responsibility.
Jack says You are right. But it won’t be like that any more. I am obliged to you for pointing out how absent I have been.
Jane says ( sarcastically ) Glad I could help.
Jack says You have shown me that too much authority has been in your hands. Power is bad for a woman. I made a mistake.
Jane says You talk as if I had committed a crime.
Jack says No, but as you say it’s not fair for you to do it all.
Jane says ( sarcastically ) Your awfully considerate all of a sudden.
Jack says I am going to turn over a new leaf. From now on I will take over all management of the men-servents.
Jane says So you will give Sandy warning?
Jack says I will talk to Sandy and tell him to be more careful but I have no intention of getting rid of him.
Jane says Why not?
Jack says Because as a golf coach he is invaluable. I’ll hire someone else to be the butler if you want.
Jane says We don’t need another man-servant.
Jack says No we don’t, but if it will make you happy I’ll incur the extra expense.
Jane says If I had my way we would have nothing but maids.
Jack says Sandy will improve and it’s silly to give warning for only one offense
Jane says He has made hundreds of mistakes.
Jack says He will improve. You look flushed. Perhaps you should retire and regain your serenity. ( Ok now, surely, she will use the candlestick? )
Jane says  When you use that tone I hate you.
Jack says You may hate me but I am your husband so it would be politic to conceal the fact.
Jane says How dare you take to me like that ( after everything that has been said NOW she says this? ). You know I don’t lie and pretend.
Jack says After nagging me about being master in my own house you can hardly complain if I decide to take over.
Jane says But surely my feelings ought to be considered.
Jack says ( and I quote ) “Most certainly; only you appear to have forgotten the fact that the mistress of an establishment is at all times subject to the head. Come, little woman, do not let us quarrel any longer.’  And he tried to put his arm around her.
But Jane says Don’t touch me. You have said things to me today I shall never forgive, not if I live to be a hundred.  And flounces ( her word, not mine ) out of the room. ( That’s it?  After everything he said that’s the best she’s got? Honestly, what’s the point of having those old heavy candlesticks if you're not going to use them?  Or I’m sure there was a fireplace poker around somewhere. )

And there you have it. A rousing marital spat from the 1890’s. Jane ends the chapter by saying she had behaved like a fool, whereas Jack had held his own from first to last. He had forced her to regard him in a new light.

Well. Things are no longer sunshine and light in the Calthorpe castle. Apparently there is going to be a new King. Given the personality of the Queen so far, I’m thinking this state of affairs won’t last long. Who will eventually end up running things? Will they decide by a long drive contest?  Stay tuned.

The Sorrows - Part III

What with The Open, The FedEx Cup, The Ryder Cup, and the ‘white pants – just don’t do it’ posts, it’s been quite awhile since we have checked in with the Calthorpes. When last we left Jack and Jane they had had a little bit of a spat. Jane had decided Jack loved golf more than her, and had set off with Charles, the stable boy, to visit a neighbor.

At this point, can I just ask, Anybody remember The Muppet Show? Specifically Veterinarians Hospital? Do you remember what the announcer said?

‘The continuing stoooorrry of a quack who has gone to the dogs.’

This is what I hear in my head when I post about The Calthorpes.

‘The continuing stoooorry of the sorrows of a golfers wife.’

As an aside, and at the risk of dating myself, just let me say I LOVE The Muppets. Absolutely LOVE them. I watched every episode of The Muppet Show. And that was back in the days before Tivo. And I watched all the movies, no matter how bad. This is how much I love them: I saw an ad on late night TV where you could get one VHS tape of  3 episodes delivered to your house each month until you had them all, and I actually called the 1-800 number and ordered it. I had NEVER done that before, and I will NEVER do it again. But I had to have The Muppets. And The Offspring have watched every single one of them. Several times. I am a big Rolf The Dog fan, which is probably why I remember Veterinarian’s Hospital, and hear that announcer in my head.

Anyway, I think from now on, when we check in on The Calthorpes, I will introduce it with ‘The Sorrows of a Golfers Wife, the continuing stooooorrrry of Jane Calthorpe and her husband Jack, who has gone to the greens.' 

So now you know where that is coming from.

On with our stooorrry……..

Jane is off to visit Lady Marshall in the Victoria with Charles at the reins.  The horses are very spirited and of course Charles doesn’t control them like Jane thinks he should. She has a very tense ride. During the visit it is revealed that Lady Marshall’s husband was ‘far from ideal’. And that at one point she and Jack had been half engaged. But they had a fight, and Jane had appeared on the scene ( it doesn’t say from where ) and Jack had fallen in love with her.

Lady Marshall pities Jack being married to Jane, and Jane thinks Sir Eustace Marshall is far from the ideal ( and faithful ) husband, but speculates he might have been a better husband if Lady Marshall had been a different person. But they observe the polite conventions of the day and ‘visit’.

Lady Marshall is very disappointed that Jack hasn’t come. Jane explains/complains about golf.  Lady Marshall is very ‘sweet’ about the whole thing. She says she must come over and see about this game. Perhaps get Jack to teach her ( and we all know how that kind of thing turns out. Tin Cup anyone? ).

Once she gets back outside, on her way home, Jane is upset with herself for letting Lady Marshall know how upset she was over the whole ‘golf’ thing.

On the drive home Charles goes too fast again. The horses get out of control and one stumbles and scrapes his knees, so they have to go at walking pace the rest of the way home, and horse is stiff and swollen and lame by the time they get there. Jack is very upset and knows it is his fault for letting in-experienced Charles drive. He is very glum until Jane asks about his afternoon of golf over dinner. At which point he brightens up, forgets completely about the horse, and goes on and on about his game.

Which is pretty much the way all their conversations go from now on. It turns out that now all Jack can talk about is golf.

And in one of the conversations we get another golf history lesson:

( Bulldogs and lofters. I’m sure there’s another pet name in there somewhere. Have to get a another dog. Or maybe a frog or turtle or something. Anyway…. )

No matter how Jane tries to divert the conversation it always goes back to golf. She tries valiantly to resign herself to the situation. She reads the latest scientific and philosophical books, which say humans have no right to expect happiness and should aim for mental and spiritual progress, rather than individual contentment. Needless to say these don’t help.

As Spring rolls around the weather gets hotter and Jack makes habit of coming in for a whiskey and soda after each 9 holes. He notices that his whiskey is disappearing at a rapid pace. He sets a trap and catches the butler imbibing. Said butler is given a months notice and the search is on for a new one. Jane usually handles the hiring of household staff, but now Jack is looking at the want ads.  He has decided that Barker really does need to take care of the horses, so he will find a butler that plays golf. Jane asks who will do the butlers work while the butler plays golf. Jack says the maids can pick it up. Jane point out that the maids have plenty to do on their own. Jack says it will all settle it’s self out somehow. ( typical male attitude ).

One of the ads is from a man in St. Andrews ( which, as you all now know, is the home of golf. ). Jack sends him a letter straight away asking him to come for an interview. And of course the Calthorpes will pay his expenses. And the potential butler just happens to have worked for a man who was a great golfer, and had spent years caddying for the man, before he died. The potential butlers name is Sandy Macgregor. ( no type casting there ) Jack tells Jane he is going to do the interview, and she may only be present if she promises not to say one word. During the interview Jack’s questions are, of course, all about golf. And of course Mr. Macgregor knows all about golf, so he is hired on the spot. Although it is obvious to Jane that he is barely educated, and has certainly never been a butler.

It quickly becomes obvious that Sandy has never ‘butled’ before. However he is a quick learner and very eager to please so after a few days he is tolerable. To Jane. The rest of the staff loves him. Turns out he was the only help his previous employer had, so he did a bit of everything. Gardening, taking care of the horses, polishing the silver. And since he didn’t really know about being a butler, he doesn’t know that in his position he is above doing all those things, and is more than happy to lend a hand if needed. He is also a brilliant golfer, and Jack is thrilled. Here is Jack on Sandy’s advice on correcting his hook:

So everyone is happy with Sandy, except Jane. And she is doubly worried because she is throwing a dinner party, and she doesn’t think Sandy is up to it. She is seriously considering canceling the whole thing. Jack tells her that Sandy may be a little rough around the edges but he is engaging and friendly, unlike most stuffy butlers, so even if there are a few missteps people will forgive him and everything will be fine. She should go ahead and have the dinner. Jane, reluctantly, decides to go ahead.

At this point I will hazard a guess that things do not turn out well. We will find out in our next installment of The Sorrows Of A Golfers Wife. Stayed tuned. 

The Sorrows - Part II

( If you haven't read Part I, see here. )

It’s past time we checked in with the Calthorpes, to see how things are going now that Jack has discovered golf.

George and Jack survey the acreage of the Calthorpe estate and lay out a golf course. And then proceed to spend their days on said course. Jane congratulates herself on helping her husband find something new to do outside that he enjoys, and keeps him out of her hair. Her first inkling that maybe things aren’t as peachy keen as she thinks, comes when it’s time to pay the servants their monthly wages and she needs Jack to write a check. She waits all morning but he is nowhere around. So after lunch she sets out on the course to find him.

Which she does. And instead of doing the proper husbandly thing and acquiescing to Jane and coming inside and writing the check, he tells her she will just have to wait until he is done with his round. ( Strike one ) Needless to say she is not pleased. He is about ready to drive off the tee and asks her to stay and watch. She tells him she doesn’t know what ‘drive off the tee’ means. He calls her an ignoramus. ( Strike two )  Barker, the stud groom, is serving as caddy. He takes some sand from a box on the tee and uses his hand to shape it into a pyramid, and places the ball on top. (  Little bit of interesting golf history there ). Jack steps up, takes a big swing, and wiffs. ( Only he doesn’t call it a wiff. Calls it a ‘foozle’. I like that word. Foozle. Much better than wiff. Next time I wiff, I’m going to say I foozled. ) Completely misses the ball. Jane can’t help herself and laughs out loud. Jack gets mad and says it’s because he was trying to show off to her. To which she replies:

‘You are but taking a leaf out of your ancestor’s book who inhabited the Garden of Eden’.

In other words ‘just like a man to blame the woman’. ( Steeeeerike three )

Jack tells Jane she should give it a try and offers her the club to hit the ball off the sand tee. But by now she is totally fed up with the whole thing and replies:

‘Not I. It is an idiotic game, and for my part, I can see nothing whatever in it.’  From that day, partly from ill-humour, partly from an inward conviction that golf required an immense deal of skill and practice, I set my face obstinately against it.’

The beginnings of dissension in the household.

The Sorrows. Introduction and Part I

So remember this?  I have been reading it. Quite entertaining. But before I get into the book I should introduce the author – Mrs. Edward Kennard. Here is a very nice biography. Apparently she was a very popular author of ‘rattling good tails’. She sounds like a very interesting person. I will be checking out Google books for her other titles when I finish The Sorrows. From what the autobiography says The Sorrows may have been written from at least a slight bit of personnel experience. However from the sound of things Mrs. Kennard was not the type to sit around and watch others play. I’m thinking she was out there hitting featheries around with the men. Perhaps there were other less sporting women in the neighborhood who were her inspiration. In any case, it’s interesting to read a book about English country life around the turn of the last century, written by someone who was actually living it. Also, it’s a bit of live golf history, if you will. I am far from being a golf historian, but if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a hundred times ( and will probably say it thousands more ) golf is nothing if not tradition. If you deal with it at any level at all over a period of years you pick up things. Like for instance you might end up naming your pets after old golf clubs. But what is history for me was present time for Mrs. Kennard. So it’s fun to get some golf history written by someone who was there.

And since I find this all very entertaining of course you will too. So I will be relaying the story to you in installments, written as I make my way through the book. If you want to read ahead you can always download the book yourself. Just don’t tell me how it turns out.

And so, The Sorrows of a Golfer’s Wife – Part 1.

The story is told in first person by Jane Calthorpe. She is happily ( at least at first ) married to one John Calthorpe, who is called Jack by everyone. They live on a 30 or so acre estate. Jack has inherited money and has no need to work. And since he has no need to work, he doesn’t. He spends his time riding and hunting. This annoys Jane. She thinks he should go into Parliament. She freely admits that although her husband is not, she is very ambitious.

One day Jack suffers a serious injury to his thigh while out hunting. He is soon walking again, but can’t ride, and therefore can’t hunt, and spends his time moping around the house annoying his wife. After a few months of this they receive a letter from one of Jack’s good friends – George Donaldson, offering to come for a visit. Jane isn’t that fond of George, nor he of her. She knows that he refers to her as ‘a bit of a handful’ behind her back. But in the interest of having someone else to talk to, and giving her husband something to do, Jane writes back and tells him to come. Things are going along alright and Jack has cheered up considerably, when there is a fate full conversation. Jack complains about not being able to get any exercise. George asks him if he can’t walk his grounds?  To which Jack answers yes he can but he really can’t see the point of walking if you have no destination. And at this point I think I will just excerpt from the book:

Then, in an evil hour, George Donaldson made the suggestion which has sapped all my domestic peace, and reduced me to the humiliating position of a nonentity and a mere golfer’s wife. I speak with feeling, for, from being the first person to be considered in our establishment, I am now nowhere in comparison with Silvertown balls, brassies, cleeks, lofters, niblicks, etc. You may laugh, but I assure you in all seriousness that it was a bad day for me when George said to my husband,  ‘Well, old man, if you don’t care for legging it along the roads without an object, which I agree with you in thinking deadly dull work, why the dickens don’t you start golf?  It is the best game in the world, and would be the very thing for you in your present condition. If you once take to golf, you’re a happy man, and a man with an occupation for the remainder of your life.

Uh huh.  I think we can all see where things are headed. But did you read that part about Silvertown balls, brassies, cleeks, lofters and niblicks? That’s what I mean about live golf history. I mean we named our cat Niblick. Jane Calthorpe would never have done that. It’s not a quaint old club name for her. It’s a present day symbol of the source of her woe. At this point I’m thinking she would rather throw the niblick in a pond than name the family cat after it. But we’ll see how things develop.

Look What I Found

Okay, actually The Golfer found it. He is out of town, and he wanted to check on the blog, but he couldn't remember the address ( you'd think he'd have it bookmarked, wouldn't you? ), so he typed Golfers Wife in Google. The blog was the second link. The first link was to a book out on Google Books. He passed the link on to me. The book was published in 1896. Here is the title page:

And here is the dedication page:

I mean I have to have it, right? I clicked on the 'buy it' links, and whooo boy. The Golfer would have to win a lot of bets on the course this summer for a hard copy of this to show up on our shelves. Which only makes sense actually. I mean a hardback copy has had to survive over 100 years. And based on the prices people figure it's worth about $8 a year. Yeah. I mean I have to have it, but... So I just downloaded a copy from Google Books. For free. Ain't technology wonderful?

Anyway. I will be reading it. And I am sure it will have of lots of stuff that is blog worthy.