The Golfer's Wife

Winter Golf

Okay, I know it's not quite Winter yet. But we are playing under Winter Rules.

We played golf on Black Friday. Temperature was 65 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. As you can see, SOME people felt it was warm enough to wear shorts. And in the background there you can see the reason for playing with orange balls. Which I forgot to bring. Lost two balls when they embedded themselves somewhere on the fairway and, in spite of following them all the way, we couldn't find them when we walked up. Ah well. That'll learn me. 

And for those of you who live someplace where you don't have to worry about orange balls and winter rules. It is treated as casual water. You move your ball to the closest piece of green grass that is no closer to the hole. Which in some cases actually means you have to back track 20 yards or more. Love that winter golf.

Sparse Coverage

So, as mentioned, things are slooow in the world of golf.

The weather here is somewhat iffy and the ground is somewhat hard/frozen, so golf here in The Household is sloooow also.

And it is the holiday season, to which usual craziness, this year we are adding a college graduation ( Golfing Offspring #1. Of whom we are extremely proud ).

All of which means posting will probably be sorta sparse for awhile. So I'm still around. Just more than a little busy.

Although we did make a tee time for Black Friday. Much rather knock an orange ball around the frozen tundra then brave the malls.

In any case. Here's hoping you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Back soon.

Lady Heathcoat-Amory

Today ( November 17th ) is the birthday of Joyce Wethered. You have probably never heard of Joyce Wethered, but in her prime she was considered the best golfer in the world by none other than Bobby Jones himself.

Joyce is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame. Here is their biography of her.

Notice that quote by Mr. Jones.

"I have not played golf with anyone, man or woman, amateur or professional, who made me feel so utterly outclassed,'' said Jones. "It was not so much the score she made as the way she made it. It was impossible to expect that Miss Wethered would ever miss a shot-and she never did."

Here is what Willie Wilson, a Scottish pro golfer and club maker said about Joyce:

"Good swing? My God, man, she could hit a ball 240 yards on the fly while standing barefoot on a cake of ice."

Here are pictures of Joyce swinging her driver.

Let me just point out here that Joyce hit not today’s modern ball, but a 1920’s pneumatic ball, and not with a nice graphite shafted club with a titanium head, but with a hickory shafted club with a wooden head. She hit that ball 240 yards with that equipment AND wearing a skirt that fell below her knees. Eat your heart out Tiger Woods. 

Here is a wonderful, and more complete, biography of Joyce from The Society of Hickory Golfers.

And here is her obituary. Lady Heathcoat-Amory lived to a ripe old age.

So the next time you are sitting around with a group of golfers, discussing who is/was the worlds best golfer, and the names Bobby, Jack and Tiger are being thrown around, you might speak up and say ‘For my money Joyce Wethered is the best there ever was’.

Weekend Update

As mentioned previously things are slooooow in the world of professional golf right now. But a few things worth noting did happen this weekend.

First off, huge congratulations to Michelle Wie on her first LPGA Tour win. She won the Lorena Ochoa Invitational in Guadalajara Mexico. Hopefully this is the first of many. And as an aside can I just say ‘very nice’ to Lorena Ochoa on her choice for the trophy? Its not often you actually notice the trophy. It’s usually something tasteful, but bland, in silver or crystal. But Lorena chose something different enough that I actually noticed it. And I have to say I think it’s quite striking.

Next, Tiger won the Australian Masters down under. No big surprise there I know. But still worth noting. Great golf is still being played in some parts of the world.

And now a somewhat sad note. David Duval missed the cut at The Children’s Miracle Network Classic at Disney this weekend. The missed cut means he doesn’t automatically get his tour card for next year and has to go through qualifying school. He has paid his entry fee to Q School, but when asked about it said ‘Don’t expect to see me there’. He could show up anyway. Or he could play next year on sponsor’s exemptions. But the general feeling here at The Household is that he will hang up the putter for good. David has always been a particular favorite here at The Household, so if he is done we will miss him. David lives out here in The Wild West, and seems very happy just being a dad, and not spending most of the year away from home. So we can hardly blame him if he doesn’t think it’s worth it.

And last, linked to without comment, the story of Doug Barron. No opinion one way or the other on this one at the moment. However, I imagine there will be more such stories over the next few years, so just thought it was worth pointing out. 

Littering

Alright, I’m willing to concede that this may, in fact, be an issue. And if it is I admit that I have certainly contributed more than my fair share of little white round spheres to the problem. But in my defense let me just say, it’s not like I wanted to. I didn’t do it on purpose. I would be perfectly happy to still be playing with the first ball I ever teed up. I really don’t see how it’s my fault that course designers put ponds and creeks and nasty rough hazards in very inconvenient places on golf courses. I have tried, really I have, but as of yet I haven’t managed to find a brand of ball that isn’t attracted like a magnet to the most inaccessible places on a golf course when hit by one of my clubs. If they don’t want me to continue to lose balls and contribute to this problem, the solution is easy enough. Nice wide fairways, with no hazards except for the occasional sand trap.

Also, although I have ‘littered’ parts of Scotland, and indeed other parts of the world, I would like point out that, while I have been to Loch Ness, none of the balls in there are mine.

Fall in the Wild West

Remember this?  That was 12 days ago. And actually that was just day one. It didn't quit snowing for another 36 hours, and left almost 2 feet of the white stuff. But the course opened on Thursday ( 6 days after the last flake fell ), and we played today. This is what it looked like today.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, things seem to be going 'swimmingly'. 

The Sorrows - Part V

Since things are a little slow in the world golf I thought was probably time to get back in touch with The Calthorpes. Remember them?  I know it’s been awhile. But they have been there, in suspended animation, waiting for me to run out of other things to blog about, so they could re-emerge and Jane could continue her tale of woe.

Thus far we have a landed English man (Jack Calthorpe) who gets wounded in a hunting accident and, at the suggestion of a friend, takes up golf as part of his rehabilitation. And of course he catches the fever and golf takes over his life, much to his wife’s ( Jane Calthorpe ) chagrin. We learn that the Calthorpes have a neighbor, Mrs. Marshall, who had designs on Jack, and indeed had thought they were engaged, when Jane came along and stole his heart. Jane believes Mrs. Marshall still has designs on Jack. Jack turns a large portion of his acreage into an 18 hole course, and conscripts various servants to play with, and serve as his caddy and greens keepers. He discovers his butler has a drinking problem and fires him, and manages to replace him with a caddy from Scotland, once again, much to Jane’s chagrin. Jane tries to convince Jack that the caddy ( Sandy ) is no butler and needs to be let go, but since he is a wonderful caddy and, as it turns out, a pretty good instructor, Jack will have none of it. Things come to a head when Jane throws a dinner party and Sandy is not paying attention and pulls out a bowl of dirty golf balls to serve as dessert, instead of the intended sliced pineapple. The next day Jane puts her foot down and says Sandy must go, and Jack says No and they proceed to have the worst argument of their marriage. At the end of which Jane ‘flounces’ ( her word, not mine ) out of the room and slams the door.

And so we pick up the story in the stormy aftermath of the fight:

Jane had flounced off to her boudoir. Which, as it turns out, is just a small room off the main drawing room. She slams the door between the rooms, and promptly bursts into tears. And then she starts thinking things over. Jack had pretty much done whatever she wanted for so long that she found this new side of him ‘disagreeable’. It was, she decides, his own fault that she was in charge. Someone had to be and he wouldn’t. And while she held ‘the reigns of authority…I flattered myself that I never pulled them unduly taut.’. But the more she thinks about it the more she thinks maybe she had taken advantage of the situation. In fact she decides that she secretly admired Jack when he had spoken to her in ‘that determined manner’.  If only he had been that way from the time they were married things would have been much better. At this point she says

  

( Well. Certainly not. Not at 26. Not at 36. Not even at 46. I can tell you this from personal experience. At this point I figure ones youth is not entirely gone even at the age of 86. In fact at that point parts of it may even be staging a come back. Anyway. Back to Jane. )

In any case she decides that perhaps she had been a bit domineering and that if Jack wanted to take over that was certainly his right, and perhaps she could be a better wife. So she makes up her mind that in the future Jack would have no cause to complain about her. Things had definitely changed in the relationship, but she would treat him ‘civilly if coldly’. Because after all most marriages have no love at all and she had had the good fortune to have love for 9 years, so she could hardly complain if things were now at the same state as everyone else.

( Once again, vast difference between 1896 sensibilities and today. And it seems to me she is slightly over reacting to the situation. But I imagine that is central to the rest of the story. So on we go. )

It is a dreary rainy day, so she decides to spend the rest of the day in the boudoir catching up on her correspondence. She has been at it for a few hours when she hears a loud crash in the drawing room. She rushes in and finds Jack standing in the middle of the room surrounded by overturned curio tables with all their contents lying broken on the floor. He is looking very penitent. She asks if he has taken leave of his senses. He apologizes profusely and blames it all on one Horace Hutchinson. As it turns out Horace Hutchinson has written an article in a ‘periodical’ on improving your putting. In said article he suggests finding a straight line on a carpet, or in a wood floor and practice swinging your putter along the line, to maintain a straight smooth stroke. Jack had searched all over the house and the only straight lines he could find were the ones in the drawing room carpet. So he had been swinging his putter. With predictable results.

Jack is very sorry and says he will give Jane carte blanche to replace all the items he broke. Jane tells him that’s no good because they had sentimental value, being given to her by family and friends. He asks Jane to forgive him but she tells him she has nothing to forgive. As he just reminded her it is his house, she just lives there. He can practice wherever he pleases. But if he doesn’t mind, could she please have her boudoir, as it’s really too small to swing a club in anyway? Jack says he is sorry about what he said, and he doesn’t really think she is a tyrant and he really couldn’t get on with out her. And there is a nice little scene where they agree they love each other and it’s really not nice when married people argue.

So. Crisis averted, at least for the moment.

The Calthorpes two children. An 8 year old daughter named Dorothy her younger brother Little Jack. Jack and Jane decide it’s time to hire a governess to teach Dorothy. Jane goes off to London to hire someone and ends up with what she considers a nice lively, if somewhat plain, young daughter of a country vicar, named Miss Lark. When she gets back Jack tells her that Mrs. Marshall came by several times to learn golf and has declared herself enamoured with the game. Jack found the whole thing to be a nuisance. He reminds Jane that he doesn’t really like Mrs. Marshall all that much and he was bored and really wished she would go away.

Two days after Jane returns, Miss Lark shows up. Things go fine for the first two weeks. Dorothy likes Miss Lark and she settles into the daily routine. Then Jack discovers that Miss Lark is the sister of the four Lark brothers, who are famous golfers. And that Miss Lark plays golf too. Miss Lark has been getting Dorothy familiar with the game of golf, and after finding out she is from the famous Lark family of golfers, he talks her into helping him with his approach shots. At first it is all business between the two of them, but Jack flirts a little, and eventually Miss Lark develops a crush on him. Jane isn’t too upset about this. Miss Lark is still doing her job as governess, and she thinks it’s only natural that a young girl out on her own for the first time would get a crush on the master of the house. But as things go on she starts to get a little worried. She doesn’t blame Miss Lark. She actually likes her very much. She thinks it is up to Jack to make it clear she is just infatuated and that he doesn’t return her affections. But Jack is too involved with the golf end of things to notice.

Then one day Dorothy spends the day with a friend, which leaves Miss Lark with free time. Jack talks her into going out to the course and helping him with his approach shots again. Jane watches them for awhile from a window while writing some letters. Eventually she sees them go over a slight mound and behind a hedge. And they don’t come out. After a little bit she decides to go look for them. She feels like a sneak, but tells herself she is doing it to save Miss Lark from embarrassing herself. When she gets to the hedge she hears Jack suggesting to Miss Lark that they should do something besides playing golf. Miss Lark protests, saying that she could never betray Jane like that, she has been so kind to her. Jack says IF Jane finds out, he will ‘square it with her’.  At which point Jane pushes through the hedge, surprising them. She tells Miss Lark to go back to the house. Miss Lark bursts into tears and says how sorry she is, and how she would never do anything to hurt Jane, and heads off. Jane is not really mad at Miss Lark, but she is furious with Jack.

Jack does not help himself by telling her things really aren’t as bad as they seem, if she would just look at it from a mans point of view, because men and woman are different.  ( Hoooo Boy. I’m thinking that doesn’t go over so hot, even in the 1890’s. )  Jane accuses him of breaking his marriage vows, and that she would appreciate it if he wouldn’t insult her with the whole ‘men are different’ line. Jack says he is very sorry and only cares for her and she is the only woman in the world he really loves. Jane says she has been a fool to trust him. At which point Jack once again doesn’t help himself by saying that, as a man, it’s very hard to be indifferent to a young girl who has a crush on you. Jane says he has sunk to a new low by blaming what happened on Miss Lark. Jane tells him that she no longer trusts him, and wonders how many other women have ‘lain in your arms and been kissed by your lips.’ She says they’ll have to continue to live together, for the children, but she doesn’t think she can love him any more. Jack tells her she is over reacting. That lots of women don’t mind if their husbands happen to give a pretty girl a kiss. ( Boy, he just keeps digging himself deeper, doesn’t he? ) Jane says she is not ‘lots of women’. Then she says she is going back to the house, which used to be her home. If Jack would rather she now moves out, she will find somewhere else to live. And she marches off, leaving Jack standing there.

Jane shuts herself in her bedroom. Jack tries to talk to her but she tells him the least he could do under the circumstances is quit bothering her. A little while later he comes back to the door and says he won’t trouble her any more, he is going to London and won’t come back until he hears from her. And he asks her not to be to hard on Miss Lark since it really was his fault. He tells her he loves her and hopes that some days she will let him hold her again. Then he walks off down the hall. Jane waits a bit and then opens the door to call him back, but then she sees him and Sandy heading off for the station-with the golf clubs. She reminds herself that Jack hates a scene and disharmony on the domestic front. All he is doing by going to London is replacing her with golf and avoiding unpleasantness at home. He isn’t going to avoid causing her trouble at all. So she watches him leave and ‘good riddance’. 

****

Goodness. All is certainly not well at the Calthorpes. And I don’t really think the present circumstances can be blamed entirely on golf. I mean, a young governess with a crush on you is a young governess with a crush on you, whether she plays golf or not. Golf just gives you a reason to kiss her behind the hedge, instead of behind a closed door. Will Jane ever call Jack home? What will become of Miss Lark?  And does Mrs. Marshall really like golf, or is she just looking for a way to get Jack behind a hedge? The answers to these questions and more, in the next installment of The Sorrows of A Golfers Wife.

Not A Golfer

The LPGA has picked their new commissioner. And they didn’t listen to Jigger. His name is Michael Whan, and he is a marketing guy. He is slightly more qualified than Carolyn Bivens, in that he actually plays golf, and has done so since he was a kid. He has also worked for TaylorMade and Wilson Sporting Goods. So he has a modicum of experience in the world of sports. Whether or not this will help him as commissioner remains to be seen. The first thing he did as commissioner was fly to a meeting of tournament sponsors and hand out his cell phone number and e-mail. Which impressed the sponsors, since one of the big complaints about Bivens was her total unresponsiveness to sponsors.

Here is Ron Sirak on the selection. And here is Jim McCabe from GolfWeek.

Right now it seems that everyone is cautiously optimistic. I dunno. I tend to agree with Jigger. And it’s not like they didn’t have some Golfers to choose from. But here’s hoping Jigger and I are wrong and he turns out to be the best thing to hit the LPGA since Annika.