The Golfer's Wife

Skeet Shoot

Your sense of humor may have to be at a somewhat less then lofty level for you to think this is funny. I'm not to proud to say that mine is several levels below what is necessary. I LOL'd.

Manners

If you have been reading the golf press/blogs this past week ( which of course you have. I mean you’re reading this, right? ) you’ve probably noticed the bit of a fire storm over Tiger Woods behavior at The Open. First Shane B. over at Dogs Chase Cars commented. Then Rick Reilly wrote an article. Stephanie Wei gave her opinion, and last ( but certainly not least ) The Golf Girl weighed in.

As the wife of A Golfer, and a parent raising 3 golfers, I have, as you might expect, an opinion on the subject.

First off let me state that The Golf Girl is entirely correct in that using the reasoning that Tiger is a role model is a complete non-starter. It’s silly enough that I don’t even want to go there. But I will. Enough to say that any parent who uses any athlete/business person/scientist/artist etc. as a role model for their child isn’t doing their job. The Offspring have been raised to realize that people, even Tiger Woods, are people. Not all good, not all bad. They have their good qualities and their bad qualities. And good days and bad days. And sensible people admire the good qualities, recognize the bad qualities, and then chart their own course through life. The goal being not to be ‘just like’ someone else. But to recognize what you admire about certain people, what you don’t like about others, how that applies to you, and somehow pull it all together, along with what is unique to you, into a total human being. Damn tough job at the best of times. Lots of people never manage it. But trying to be a copy of some Role Model is pretty much a guarantee of failure.  I realize this in itself is a whole post. A whole blog. Heck, some people have made whole careers out of it. And there are a lot of you who completely disagree. Okay. As I said. My opinion. My blog. That’s the way things role here at The Household.

That said, do I give Tiger a complete pass?  No.

There are 3 things that an Offspring can do that will get them immediately removed from the golf course.

The first is throwing a golf club. I don’t mean grounding the head in frustration. Even The Golfer does that. I mean physically letting go of the club. Even if it is just to throw it down at your feet. We started them out young. 2 and 3 years old. When temper tantrums are a way of life. But it was made perfectly clear, even at that age, you NEVER EVER EVER throw a club*. EVER. Absolutely, positively, UNACCEPTABLE. Throwing a club will not only get you removed from the course, there will be other punishment when you get home.

The second thing is blaming your bad shot on someone else. It is you and the ball. If you don’t hit the ball the way you want, that is your problem. It is a golf course. Semi private at the best of times, completely public most of the time. There will always be people and wildlife and noises and weather. If you can’t play with the distractions then get off the course. As soon as you blame someone else’s behavior for your bad shot, you will be removed from the course.

The third thing is taking your poor play out on other people. You want to mutter and curse at yourself? Fine. We all do it. We don’t even care if you call yourself ‘Stupid f**ing idiot’ at the top of your lungs. Get so frustrated you cry even. That’s okay. But you better be sweetness and light to everyone else. Take it out on your siblings, your parents, the beer wench, the people in the halfway house, the pro shop, and you will be removed from the course and THERE WILL BE REPROCUSSIONS. No one but you is responsible for the state of your game, and you damn well better not take it out on anyone else.

Tiger has violated all 3 of those rules on multiple occasions. And super star or not, if I had been physically present at any of them I would have been hard pressed not to cross over the rope, take him by the ear, march him over behind some trees, and give him a good dressing down. Even being the best at what you do is no excuse for being a jerk.

Golf is a gentleman’s game. And I absolutely appreciate the rules, and the etiquette and especially the honor code. And we fervently aspire to instill that over all attitude in The Offspring and the way they live their lives, both on and off the golf course. But I fully concur that the constant bland behavior can get on your nerves. Not to mention keeping it all inside like that has to cause ulcers. I like seeing players show their feelings, for both good and bad shots. I don’t mind a grounded club, a shouted curse, a high five, or a fist pump at all. I’m quite happy that the younger players seem to feel more freedom to express their emotions. I think that’s a Good Thing. But there are lines, and Tiger has crossed them more than once.

He is both an adult and a professional. He needs to start acting like it.

* The only exception to this rule is Rattle Snakes. We live in the Wild West after all. Rattle Snakes on golf courses are a given. If you throw a club at a Rattle Snake you will be forgiven.

The Only Page That Matters

This week is the annual Member/Guest at the cc. If you are unfamiliar with the details surrounding a cc Member/Guest here is the post I wrote about ours.

As per usual a nice printed program, on heavy card stock, was handed out to all participants. It contains a welcome, the schedule, the format of play, the rules, the dress code, the menu, etc. etc. etc. It is chock full of helpful information. Which everyone who gets it totally ignores in their haste to get to the one page with the only information that truly MATTERS.

This page:

The Golfer’s Brother arrived yesterday. Time has been spent on the driving range and practice green. The ritual marking of a new box of balls has taken place. The requisite cigars and liquor have been purchased. They are ready. Tomorrow morning I will wish them luck, and probably won’t see them again until The Shoot Out. And not even then if I decide to have cocktails at the pool instead.

2009 Open wrapup

Huge Congratulations to Stewart Cink. If ever any one earned a Major Cink earned this. First and foremost because of his game. But also because he did it in one of the toughest situations imaginable. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE( okay I admit, that includes us here at The Household ), wanted Tom Watson to win. Stewart had to go out there knowing the crowd was cheering for the other guy, and then steel himself to beat someone in whose footsteps he had hoped to follow. And beat him he did. Watson fell apart in the playoff. But even if he hadn’t he would have been hard pressed to win. Cink played great, finishing with 2 birdies. He finished to polite applause and sad faces. Then he had to stand there during the presentation of the trophies while the biggest cheer went up for the guy who finished second. And being the thorough gentleman that he is Stewart handled it all with grace and aplomb. So once again let us say Congratulations. His earned his spot on The Claret Jug.

We also have to give kudos to Mr. Watson. He did fall apart there at the end. But it’s not like that has been a habit of his. It is precisely because he has done the opposite of fall apart over the years that we all thought he would win. He’d done it 5 times before at the Open, including the famous Duel in The Sun here at the very same Turnberry, that The Golfer mentioned in the previous Open post. The man will be 60 in Sept. and he had a hip replaced a little over a year ago. And there he was, one putt away from winning The Open. Win or lose he is an incredible inspiration to all us golfers of-a-certain-age. It was a beautiful thing to watch, no matter the outcome.

And so another Open is in the books. Here is a nice article from Bob Harig at ESPN. And here is a good round up from Golf.com. And next year, when Tiger not only makes the cut, but is, ho hum, in the lead as usual for the final round, we golfers of-a-certain-age will remember this year, and maybe turn the channel to watch Tom Watson compete in a Senior event instead.

The Kids

I know that general golf attention is directed elsewhere at the moment. And people are marveling over the fact that the Golf Gods didn’t cause the surface of the earth to split and swallow Turnberry whole when Tiger didn’t make the cut. But I’d like to bring your attention back to the future for a moment.

The World Junior Golf Championships finished up yesterday in and around San Diego. Here is the web site. Go check out the scores.

More importantly, scroll through the player lists and check out the names and countries. It truly is a World championship.

Somewhere in all those names are the ones that will be on top of leaderboards around the world in the next 10 years or so. See if there’s a kid on those lists that lives somewhere near you. Go watch them in a junior tournament. Who knows. Someday that kid might be raising a trophy at the end of an Open and you can say ‘I saw them when they were 13. I knew they’d be a winner even back then’.

THE Open - 2009

This weekend is The Open.  Here is what I had to say about it last year. Which pretty much covers it.

This year it is being played at Turnberry. The Golfer has rather strong feelings about Turnberry.

" Last year, I wrote a little blurb about The Open, and I mentioned the pilgrimage we made to Scotland.  One of the courses we played, Turnberry, is the site of this years Open.   We played 10 courses while we were there, and surprisingly enough, it was my favorite.  I say surprisingly, because it held bad memories for me.

Turnberry is where Tom Watson beat Jack Nickalaus in 1977.   It was also the first Open I watched in full.  Previously, it was something of a curiosity that got in the way of the Saturday morning comics.

But this was a battle.  My parents were fully into watching Jack win.  And after Tom beat Jack in the Masters everyone was looking for revenge.  I was riveted.  And Jack lost.  So any reference to Turnberry hurt, and I wasn’t looking too forward to playing it.

That had changed by the 5th hole.  Of course, it didn’t hurt that it was the only course we played that we managed to get down to the short sleeve shirts (for about 4 holes, in July no less).  It also didn’t hurt that I beat The Brother.

It is a beautiful course, a great test of golf. Maybe not for the big boys, Nick Price said it’s a great par 67.  But for the rest of us, it’s a great place to golf.

So, I’ll be watching this weekend.  Knowing I played each hole (yes from the tips).  They made some changes to toughen it up, I’ll be curious to see how it holds up. "

The fact that it will be tivo’d and we will watch every minute goes without saying.

So long Joe. Hope to see you soon.

As has been noted here before we are big sports fans here in The Household. And in spite of where we live 2nd place, after golf, does not belong to the orange and blue. Since 1995 the boys on the ice have been firmly entrenched at that second spot. This past week was bitter sweet for us Avs fans. Joe Sakic officially retired. We knew it was coming, but it is still hard to say goodbye. Joe says he will be working on his golf game. Which makes perfect sense, because if ever there was A Golfer in another sport it is Joe Sakic.

For those of you not familiar with hockey, and not familiar with Joe, here are two articles by Woody Paige that pretty much sum things up.

It is being said that after taking a couple of years off Joe would like to join the Avalanche organization in some management/coaching capacity. I certainly hope so. Having Gentleman Joe being part of any organization would raise the character of said organization by about 100 notches.

I know this is a golf blog but I hope you’ll forgive this brief interlude while we say Good Bye Joe. And thanks for everything.

Jigger says.....Get a Golfer

[ Jigger has been rather busy lately. Brassie is a full time job. He has lost 3 pounds since she joined The Household, and he was certainly not overweight to begin with. He has been paying attention to golf. You can’t avoid paying attention to golf in this house. He has just been to busy playing with Brassie to feel like rant…uh, voicing his opinion. But you had to know that wouldn’t last forever. Perhaps because his new BFF is a girl, he has been paying more attention to woman’s golf lately. And he has a definite opinion on the recent turmoil surrounding Carolyn Bivens. Although actually the turmoil isn’t all that recent. People have been unhappy with her for quite awhile. But the situation has finally reached the breaking point. ]

So The Brand Lady is out. About time. If the woman had lost any more tournaments the tour would have disappeared. But now you gotta replace her. Who you gonna get? Well first and foremost, get a golfer. That was Bivens problem. Well, that and an apparent total lack of people skills. But look, as the owner of this blog ( who, by the way, totally forgot the biscuits this morning. She handed out some cheese, like that could substitute. Cheese or no cheese there better be biscuits tomorrow or I might just suggest to Brassie that a certain pair of shoes probably tastes really good. Just sayin’. Anyway. ) has repeatedly noted golf is nothing if not TRADITION. A golfer would know that. The Brand Lady didn’t.

When you got long time tournaments with long time sponsors you don’t go changing the rules on them. You don’t go telling them that now it’s going to cost them 3 times as much for tournament rights as it did before, especially when the economy is tanking around you. And then to top it all off, threaten to take them to court if they can’t afford it. Isn’t there some book out there about winning friends and influencing people? Never had any trouble with that myself, a wag of the tail seems to do it. But someone may want to get The Brand Lady a copy.

Way more than PGA tournaments, LPGA tournaments are community affairs. Held in the same towns, sponsored by those towns biggest employers. The same towns people volunteering at the tournament year after year.  Tradition. That’s what kept the LPGA alive. Make those people mad and not only have you lost the tournament, you’ve lost a legion of long time fans. And that’s gonna hurt you a long time.

I know, I know, that’s not the way to make money and keep the tour going long term. Changes had to be made. And The Brand Lady did manage a nice TV deal. But she talked about revenue and player pensions, and then lost tournaments right and left, which sorta undercuts the main purpose the players are on the tour, to Play. What good is a pension if there are no tournaments to play in to earn money towards that pension?

Listen, I may be of a different species but I know a good lookin’ female when I see one. Instead of pissing off sponsors why wasn’t she out marketing Natalie Gulbis and Paula Creamer and Morgan Pressell? Every tournament has a pro-am, and most US Companies have an abundance of  male executives. Why the heck wasn’t she offering a cut rate deal on tour sponsorship this year, with options for renewal when the economy was better? You can’t tell me those execs would have passed up a chance to play with those lovely ladies. For someone hired for her marketing expertise she sure doesn’t know how to make use of what she’s got.

So this time around, get a golfer. Someone who understands golf, and the tour, and tradition, and can deal with people without pissing them off. Someone for whom the LPGA as an organization means something more than a chance to demonstrate their business skills. Which she seemed to lack anyway.

Look, I…..ooooo, wait a minute. Squirrel on the fence at 2:00 and Brassie is busy with the neighborhood kids by the fence at the other end of the yard. Gotta go. Hate those damn squirrels………

 [Standard disclaimer: The opinions of this particular poster are his and his alone, and do not necessarily reflect those of the owner of this blog. Also, may I just point out it was a very good sharp cheddar and I thought they would enjoy a change of pace from the biscuits. Apparently golfers aren’t the only ones who hang on tradition. ]

I am offended

As mentioned previously, with the Goolie Emergency, I have a day-by-day calendar which provides me with various golf trivia and helpful hints. Here is yesterday’s page:

You may find this mildly helpful. I find it mildly offensive.

It is July 7th. We are more than halfway through the year. The calendar has been just full of helpful advice. How to survive a bird attack. How to stop a fire you started when your cigar ash fell in dry rough. What to do if you run into a rabid animal on the course. How to treat a sprained ankle, and how to get a fellow player who has said sprained ankle back to the clubhouse if you were walking. How to start a stalled golf cart. Even what to do if you are on the course and a tornado is headed your way.

In all of these cases you and your fellow player/s are mentioned and in all of these cases the fellow players were referred to with ‘he’ and ‘his’.

Do you see the issue now?

If you are in a ‘situation’ on a golf course where, with a little helpful advice, you and your fellow players can get yourself out of a jam, the assumption is the players are all male.

But when it comes to cheating, all of a sudden your fellow player is referred to with ‘she’ and ‘her’.

To be fair, 80% ( maybe more ) of all golfers out there are male. And I certainly can’t have a Goolie Emergency. So I didn’t really mind that up until now the calendar has been very male centric. But why the sudden shift in genders when it comes to cheating? Cheaters come in both sexes, but statistically speaking there are far more male cheaters than female cheaters in the game of golf. So why not just continue with the overall male bias of the entries? Why is the cheater all of the sudden female? Hmmmm?

Somewhere there is a male who edited this calendar and let this go by without a second thought. He is lucky I don’t know who he is, or he might find himself having a little Goolie Emergency of his own.

Brassie's Stash

Brassie has been a member of The Household for a few months now. She is just over 6 months old and a few things have become apparent. The most obvious being that the + in her Red Heeler + parentage is most likely Chihuahua. She has an under bite, big ears, and is not getting nearly as big as everyone thought she would. But she is very strong and large boned for her size and her coloring is straight Red Heeler. She has more energy than the Energizer Bunny and is ALWAYS happy. But she’s not very smart. The Golfer says she is the 16 year old blonde cheer leader of dogs.

She didn’t get any of the smarts of a Red Heeler, but she does have some of their other traits. If she wants you to do something she bites at your heels. She is constantly trying to herd people this way or that. And apparently Red Heelers like to have a lot of toys, and they like to keep them in one place. This is the complete opposite of Jigger. Jigger tends to get attached to one toy at a time. And even then he will leave it out in the yard, or stuck under a piece of furniture, and it doesn’t seem to bother him at all. He is not into stuff.

Brassie is very into stuff. Brassie feels the more stuff you have the better. And you need to keep track of your stuff. She is not possessive. She doesn’t mind if Jigger takes one of her toys for some reason. She just makes sure it gets back to where it belongs when he’s done. Jiggers stuff ( specifically his reindeer, which was the current favorite toy when Brassie arrived ) quickly became Brassies stuff.  Brassie has been busy accumulating stuff since she joined The Household.

Here is a current picture of Brassie’s Stash, as we have come to call it. 

The contents of the Stash are constantly changing. Brassie doesn’t feel the need to take care of her stuff. She chews things and drags them around and if they fall apart and end up in the trash, she just goes and finds more stuff. She is VERY good at finding stuff. And yes, some of that stuff includes sticks and other ‘organic matter’ that she digs up out of the yard. Some of which I’m sure is probably poisonous and I’m very surprised we haven’t had to make a trip to the emergency vet with her yet.

And of course her stuff includes golf balls. Brassie LOVES golf balls. They roll and they bounce and they are fun to chew on. Remember here, where I explained about the status of golf balls in The Household? Well they have found their wanderings severely curtailed since Brassie showed up. Brassie believes golf balls need to be herded and they all need to stay together. In her Stash. Every time one makes a break for it she brings it back. After first bouncing it awhile on the hardwood floor, and then chewing on it, just to make sure it still tastes the same.

And yes that is a Golf Digest. Normally Brassie happily shreds any newspaper, magazine or book that happens to fall on the floor. But for some reason this particular issue of Golf Digest was deemed worthy of belonging in the Stash. I’m thinking it is because Cammmmmmilo is on the cover. She would rather look at him then chew his head off.