( Another in the 'long a**' series of posts )
You bought the clubs, took the lessons, practiced on the driving range, and mastered the Par 3. You are ready to tackle the whole enchilada. 18 holes on a real golf course. And here is where many people learn to hate golf. Have I mentioned before that golf is hard? If you thought getting this far was a lot of work, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. But in spite of that, you are not going to be one of the many. You are going to have a wonderful time the first time you play 18. You are going to like it so much you will want to come back tomorrow and do it all again. You have TGW to tell you how to do it right.
The most important thing about your first round is who you play with. Once again I would STRONGLY recommend AGAINST going out with the significant other/relative/close friend who is ( or thinks they are ) a great golfer. Unless they sign The Pledge. In blood. This is The Pledge:
I will NOT, under any circumstances, give you any advice about any part of your swing, UNLESS you specifically ask me. And IF, and ONLY IF, you ask me for advice, I will only give you ONE thing to correct.
If your significant other/relative/close friend is willing to sign The Pledge, in blood, you can give it a shot. But if they make just one un-solicited comment you reserve the right to walk off the course then and there, and refuse to play with them again.
Here’s the thing. You have just spent considerable money and time having a paid professional tell you how to swing a club. They have probably given you lots of different instructions. Maybe hundreds. And every time you step up to the ball you are trying to contort your body into an unfamiliar position and remember all those hundreds of things, and still manage to hit a small white round object off the ground. The very last thing you need is for someone else to give you yet another little piece of instruction, and then, because they are an ‘important person’ in your life, expect you to follow their advice above any other instructions you may be trying to remember, whether it’s good advice or not. And chances are they will even get a little miffed if you don’t specifically follow their advice. This adds un-needed pressure and confusion when you really don’t need it, and takes all the fun out of it. So if they won’t pledge to keep their advice to themselves, find someone else to play with.
One more swing thing to help you avoid a frustrating round. You play with the swing you have. Don’t fix your swing on the golf course, fix it later on the driving range. In order to fix a swing problem you need to hit the ball over and over again, tweaking little things here and there until you get it right, and then you need to hit it over and over again to get the ‘right’ swing fixed in your muscle memory. You can’t do that when you are playing a round and will only get more and more frustrated if you try. This is a big reason for The Pledge. So the person you are playing with doesn’t try to fix your swing during a round. That will only lead to heated conversations, ruined relationships and bent clubs. So, if the ball is going to the right every time you hit it, don’t try to fix it, just aim more to the left each time to compensate. If every shot scoots along the ground ( known as a ‘worm burner’ ) instead of going up, don’t try to hit over any sand traps or water, hit around them, and lay up. Etc. Compensate as best you can for the swing you have, don’t try to fix it while you’re playing. Can’t be done. Even the pros know better than to try.
After you have found someone to play with, you need to familiarize yourself with some rules, and basic golf etiquette. The main rules you need to know are what to do when you lose your ball, hit it out of bounds, or hit it in the water. You should also know what to do if you hit in standing water or a hazard, and what you are allowed to do if you hit it in a sand trap ( remember this? ) . Etiquette is VERY important in golf. The etiquette rules are not official, but they are adhered to as if they were. In fact, break a rule and most people won’t get too upset, you are only hurting yourself. But breach etiquette and the people you are playing with might get very upset, will certainly say something, and extreme bad feelings likely will follow. So make sure you at least know the basics. Here is a site on basic etiquette. Here is another one. Here is another one, with some basic rules. Here are some basic rules sites. This one has a place where you can click and print out a short rule book to take with you.
The next thing you need to do is manage your expectations. You are not Tiger Woods. The first time out you are going to whiff many times, lose a couple of balls, hit a couple more in the water, probably have to yell ‘FORE’ a few times, and become more frustrated than you have ever been before in your life. Breathe deep and Accept this. And make sure you have plenty of balls. Do not go out expecting to get any pars. Or even any double bogeys. The first time out chances are you are going to have to pick up on almost every hole. Speaking of which… unless you manage to come up with a complete 4-some of Pledge signers, you and your playing partner are going to be paired up with another 2-some. When you introduce yourselves, make it a point to say ‘I’m very new to golf, so if I do something I shouldn’t please let me know’. This will help diffuse situations that might arise later on if (when) you break etiquette. But you will probably notice the other two players groan a little. This is because new players are always slooooooowwwwwww. This is because they all seem to be under the impression that you absolutely must play the ball until you hit it in the hole. Even if that takes 30 strokes and 20 minutes a hole. They are under the wrong impression. All courses have a ‘pick up number’. This is the number of strokes you can take before you must pick up your ball and move to the next hole. But very few players follow the rule. They only pay attention after the ranger has hurried them along several times, reminded them of the rule, and finally told them if they don’t speed up they will have to leave the course. The general pick up number is 10. 10 is a good number. You should make that your pick up number, even if the course number is 12 or 13. If you follow the pick up number you will not play too slow, and if you hit the pickup number but are maybe 1 or 2 strokes away from getting it in the cup on a couple of holes, the people you are playing with will probably cut you some slack and let you finish off the hole. Basically as long as you keep up, they will cut you some slack on a lot of things, including breaches of etiquette. They will be pleasantly surprised at not having their worst fears realized, and you will feel much less pressure and you will enjoy the round. It will also cut down a great deal on your frustration. After you have swung at the little white ball 10 times, trying to move it towards the hole, you are going to be ready to beat it into the ground. If you know you have to hit it enough more times to finish off the hole, your frustration will grow with each stroke, to the point where you not only want to beat the ball into the ground, you will want to take your bag of brand new clubs and toss them in the lake. However, if you know you only have to hit it 10 times, and then you can stop and pick it up, it tends to keep the blood pressure much lower. Now about practice strokes. Unless you are in nasty rough, 1 practice stroke max. I know, I know your instructor said always take at least 3 practice strokes. They really should know better. If they were playing with someone who actually took 3 practice swings before each hit they would want to stuff them in a golf bag and throw the bag in the lake. As was mentioned above, practicing is for the range, not the course. Maybe take one practice stroke in the tee box. The only time you should take a practice stroke once you’ve teed off is to test the rough. You swing your club through it to see how thick it is and how hard you are going to have to swing the club to get the ball out. Other than that you should not be taking practice swings on the course. It really is a waste of time and it adds to the playing time.
So if you are going to be picking up your ball on every hole, what’s the point? Remember this above all else – you are only playing against yourself. The goal is to play the 18 holes and set the bench mark you will be playing against the next time you play 18 holes. Which will be the bench mark for the time after that. Etc. So, count every whiff. And count your putts separately. Then the next time you play the goal might be to have half as many whiffs, and have at least 2 fewer holes that you pick up on. The round after that maybe no whiffs, no pickups on any par 3 holes, and no more than 3 putts on any hole where you make it to the green before you have to pick up. See where I’m going with this? You play your game. You set the goals. You play against you. And you don’t play with any one who doesn’t understand this. This is how you have a good time, make progress you can measure, and keep from becoming one of the many. After a while the goal will be, make it to the green in par( so if it’s a par 4 you have 4 strokes to make it to the green), and never more than 2 putts. At which point you are playing double bogey golf. Which is pretty good golf.
One final thing. The world is full of jerks. Many of them play golf. At some point you are going to be playing a round with someone who the starter sets you up with, and they are going to be a jerk. They will not have signed The Pledge and will feel free to give you swing tips, even though they don’t know your name. They will feel very superior to you and instead of very nicely pointing out any rule or etiquette breach, they will tsk-tsk and make snide remarks. They will constantly try to hurry you along, even if you are keeping up just fine. They will figure you don’t know etiquette and will hit out of turn. And they will comment on all your whiffs, and try to keep score for you, because obviously you can’t. Jerks can be either male or female, and some of them are down right mean and just come out and say things, and some of them are the sweet under handed kind, that give back handed compliments and smile even when they are saying something meant to cut you to the quick. There really is not much you can do about a jerk. Just know that they are out there, ruining the game for everyone, and when you play with one you will need to have a thick skin and the ability to tune them out. And if you are one of those lucky people who think fast on their feet and are good with the withering come back, please feel free to let the jerk have it. Of course the best way to shut a jerk up is to play with someone as good as The Golfer. 300 yard drives from the back tees tends to make them go quiet real fast. But you can’t all be as lucky as me, and I don’t always play with The Golfer. I have put up with my fair share of jerks. They are out there lurking, but don’t let a round with a jerk put you off the game of golf. For every jerk there are at least a hundred people who are kind and helpful and are happy to shepherd you through a round of golf and want very much for you to have a good time so you will grow to love it as much as they do. Including The Golfer and me. So we’ll be seeing you on the course, right?
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